OK, today we’re tackling a lot of things in this post and much of it is gonna be teaching you to suck eggs but please bare with me as none of this is intended as patronising. One thing that I need you to know after three or four years of blogging is that I first write this shit for myself. It’s a way of telling myself off, keeping myself in check, nurturing my soul, and showing myself a bit of love when I really need it. It’s a way of reminding myself of my own boundaries, where I can cut myself some slack, and how to simply be a wonderfully flawed human on this Earth trying my best. I share it with you because I hope that it nurtures you in the same way and allows you to be fully yourself, and fully delight in yourself because – honestly – there’s nothing that thrills me more than when I see someone fully own who they are without shame and only with utter delight in knowing they are a fucking amazing person.
Anyway, with that being said, this has been something I’ve been meditating on for a while and I feel like the metaphorical microwave has pinged and I’m ready to serve it to all of us.
Enter the eggs we’re about to suck: everyone is different. As I’ve stated many times before, we are all very complex people with a plethora of experiences behind us that shape our personality, reactions, actions, and ways of being in this world. Everyone we pass in the street, our peers, our colleagues, our roommates, our neighbours, our partners, our friends…we are all a beautiful prism of complicated and wonderful stuff.
However, we spend so much of our lives judging others and putting them in our little boxes of what we think we know about someone. We can judge an entire personality over one throw away glance. We can assume a lot about someone’s state of mind after one thing they said. We are really fucking good at this. We take the 10% of what people feel brave enough to show us and create 85% of their personality. Wow! It’s like creating a puzzle with half the pieces missing and declaring it finished. We create our own stories for other people so that we can feel comfortable with them, whether we choose to like or dislike someone. We assign expected ways of being onto others and, when they let us down (AKA when they don’t meet our expectations), we punish them, or we get bitter, or resentful, or sad.
It all sounds a bit daft, doesn’t it?
Who are we to judge others? Who do we think we are when our expectations of others take priority over their own free will? Who are we to chastise someone for acting out of line with our expectations? How do we get away with labelling people so freely with such harmful names?
Are we not all on the same level?
Humanity has no hierarchy…and yet we have divided ourselves so well we forget this simple fact.
Drop the expectations, boo. Once you do so, people shine a little brighter, they smile a little wider, and they laugh a little louder. Let people come as they are and accept them for it. Don’t label them as annoying or loud, irritating or boring – they’re just being who they are. You cannot punish them for it…
…BUT – here’s the twist – when we do this and we see people for who they are, sometimes it’s not all positive. Some people are harmful for us. They lie, they manipulate, they deceive. They hurt us, they hurt the ones we love. They say sorry but then repeat the harm. Sometimes they represent a trauma from our past. Sometimes they overshadow what should be a happy moment with their own negativity time and time again.
Yes – we can accept these people for what they are. Inviting love into the situation, these people are hurting themselves. They hide their own pain, their own vulnerability, through a shield of harmful actions that can keep people at bay. They do things to feel in control. I don’t know what – people are complex, aren’t they?
You are not required to save the world. You can accept these people, you can show love to these people…but you do not have to invite them into your inner circle. You can choose to not have them in your life. You can simply wish them love, act in love, but guard your heart. You can raise your boundaries to ensure that you are not harmed by them. Perhaps there is someone else that can invite them into their inner circle to help their healing but, if it causes you too much trauma and pain, you can choose to not have them at your table. This is not selfish. This is paramount if your emotional and mental wellbeing depends on it.
I will sign off with this – I was listening to Fearne Cotton’s Happy Place podcast with the ever wonderful Liz Gilbert and she discussed Joseph Campbell who stated that human’s can draw a circle around anything and call it sacred. We all have that power. Liz said that, one day, she decided to draw a circle around herself and call herself sacred…
This is something we all need to do. We are all sacred.
Accept everyone, respect your own boundaries, and remember that humanity has no hierarchy.