I was speaking to a friend recently who’d had a knock of confidence. “You know those people who just make you feel this big?” she said, as she motioned an inch gap with her thumb and forefinger. “That’s how he makes me feel all the time. He’s just so…patronising.“
We’ve all met those kinds of people. They just have this way of speaking to you, or looking at you, or not looking at you in some cases. They exude this sense of authority and we hate that they make us feel the way they do. Perhaps it’s a snide comment, specifically aimed at you that no-one else would understand. Or maybe it’s a sneaky side-eye look when they know that no-one else is looking. Or maybe it’s an exagerated sigh for the dramatic effect just so they make sure you know how much of a fucking imbecile you are…
But you’re not an imbecile, are you? No, you’re not.
You’re just trying your best, like everyone else in the world.
Listen to me now – you are not too much, little, lazy, hyperactive, affectionate, reserved, loud, quiet, extroverted, introverted, emotional, sensitive, or whatever else they make you feel you are.
You are not too much of anything.
You are bloody fantastic the way you are.
Think about it for a moment – Who has control over your emotions? Who has control over your self-perception? Who has power over your self-esteem?
You do. And only you do.
The only reason these people make us feel like shit is because somewhere, deep down inside of us, we actually believe what they are saying. We believe that we are too much, or too little. We believe that we are too shy, or too outspoken. We feel that they have uncovered our secret that we’ve been trying to hide. And, when we agree with what they are saying, that’s when we hand over that power to them to define how we feel about ourselves.
It stops here, darling. For 2019, let our first resolution be this – we agree to disagree with people because, the truth is, these people only have power over you if you let them.
When people make us feel like we are too much of this, or too little of that, we can hear what they say and reject it. We can disagree with their opinion because – get this! – their opinion over us is not gospel. It’s merely their opinion. In the grand scheme of things, their opinion doesn’t mean much because how is being made to feel too much or too little constructive to our growth and self-development? These people come to criticise, to steal from us. More often than not, these opinions that cut us deeply are supposed to have that effect.
So, in sum, fuck them. That’s not to say act like an asshole toward them but quietly reject their opinion and hold yourself in higher esteem.
Let 2019 be the year we take back our power and stand proud with who we are.