Running in a city is stressful work sometimes; it’s as though there’s not enough space to move and far too many people. I find myself getting incredibly frustrated having to dodge left and right, this way and that way, in order to avoid a head-on collision with some poor pedestrian or gambolling arse-over-tit with a small pushchair. Other times, it’s individuals who literally have no regard and block the path with no spacial awareness. They’re fucking infuriating.
So, when my path was blocked earlier yesterday on my usual route, I was pretty annoyed. There was no way around them and I had no choice but to go through. “Excuse me!” I yelled…waaay too loudly thanks to my headphones. They turned, parted like the Red Sea, and I was on my merry, sweating, gasping-ass way.
Cue the soul-thought…
“Communicate your needs.”
Communicate your fucking needs.
Something so simple in words but so difficult in action.
Let me explain…
Life is, undoubtedly, full of painful moments. These are inevitable. Bereavement, trauma, shattering moments, heartbreak, job loss – some of us experience it all, whilst others do so in the space of a short amount of time.
During these moments of pain we can find it so hard to tell people how we feel. Our closest friends, or family members…I mean, they should know how I feel, right? They’ve seen what I’ve gone through, they can see I’m not myself, so why aren’t they reaching out? Well, fuck them, then…I don’t need anyone anyway…
And, therein, lies the trappings of suffering.
Our moment of pain begins to fester and causes additional, unnecessary, suffering. We become bitter and resentful of the people who we perceive have let us down and failed to reach out to us in our anguish…
But how do they know the depth of our pain if we don’t communicate it? And, how do they know what to do to help us if we don’t tell them what we need?
Now comes the part which requires us t be vulnerable and take a big dose of humility.
So, tell them.
Tell that person you trust the depths of your pain; tell them what you’re thinking, feeling, and going through right now. Allow them to empathise with you by building this bridge of heartfelt, vulnerable, communication – and then tell them how they can help you. Ask for their advice, or opinion, or even a hug and Kleenex. Tell them you simply need them to ask how you are now and again, or more meals to share together, or just a shoulder to cry on…
Trust me when I say your relationship with this person, friend or family, will flourish. It’ll grow deeper. It’ll be more rewarding. It’ll be more trusting. Your life will flow better having spoken your truth and not kept it bottled up, festering within you. It’ll set you free.
Life is hard occasionally and we always need a little help along the way.
Whatever you need, communicate it. Whatever you feel, say it.